No single word in a runner’s vocabulary ignites a debate so fierce as “treadmill.”
In fact, the treadmill’s origins really can be traced back to torture, with its earliest form used at penitentiaries in the 19th century to reform stubborn convicts. One prison guard described it thusly: “It is the monotonous steadiness, and not its severity, which constitutes its terror.” (We couldn’t agree more.)
But while runners have plenty of derogatory terms for the apparatus (“hamster wheel” and “dreadmill,” to name just a few), it’s hard to argue against its usefulness. Whether you can’t get a babysitter or the weather suddenly resembles an Arctic tundra, the treadmill saves you from writing “unplanned rest day” in your running log—and, for that, we are grateful.
In any case, our inner dialogue upon approaching the treadmill goes a little something like this:
The struggle is so real.
1 of 22
Why is it so hard to motivate myself to get on this thing?
Find a
race.
Denial.
4 of 22
I wonder how long I've been running…
1.6 miles? This thing must be broken.
Find a
race.
It's really not fair.
9 of 22
How do all these runners on Instagram make this torture chamber look so glamorous?
Find a
race.The ole end-of-the-song trick.
10 of 22
Should I check my mileage again? Maybe I shouldn't check? I'll check at the end of this song.
Find a
race.
They're just like us!
12 of 22
I bet Taylor Swift never runs on the treadmill.
Oh, wait...
Find a
race.
C'mon...
15 of 22
Really? All the treadmills in here and you choose the one right next to me?
Find a
race.Did anyone see that?
16 of 22
Whoa, almost hooked my toe there. That could have been bad.
Find a
race.Why is bowling on ESPN?
17 of 22
I wish there was something entertaining on TV right now.
…not that I could read the subtitles quickly enough to follow along, but still.
Find a
race.Just sizing up the competition.
18 of 22
How fast is he running?
[peeks at neighbor's monitor]
You trying to race, guy?
[increases speed]
Find a
race.Milk was a bad choice.
19 of 22
Why is it so hot in here? It's gonna take me a half-hour to wipe down this machine when I'm done.
Find a
race.NBD but KBD.
20 of 22
[Goal achieved]
Woo! That's right. Who's better than me on the treadmill? No one, that's who. I'm going to go ahead and finish this song.
Find a
race.
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