Why don't members of the tri tribe wear caps? Or socks, for that matter. Seriously, what gives? Triathletes are like those annoying overachievers in elementary school who make terrible wardrobe decisions—you know, the kids who wear shorts in the winter and ask for homework.
Who are these people? Why must they mash three sports into one uber-expensive race? If you're one of them, reading this, please answer us.
You don't wear sleeves.
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What is this? I mean, we kind of get it when you're racing. But that's it. It's not like you need to show off your perfectly sculpted bicep because, newsflash, you're a triathlete not a CrossFit athlete. So the next time you show up to a group ride with one of those skimpy things, we're going to have to tell you that we didn't ask for two tickets to the gun show.
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Your Next TriathlonAnd you don't wear socks.
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First off, don't your feet smell? Second, we know Body Glide is a magical thing, but don't you get hot spots, chafing and other foot-related ailments that can be alleviated with a good pair of socks?
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Your Next TriathlonYou LOVE neon.
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We know visibility while on a ride is important, especially if you're scared about getting hit by a car. But, like, you look like a traffic cone.
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Your Next TriathlonYou voluntarily run after you ride.
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Just walking after a long, tough ride is no joke. Our legs are shaky, our stomachs a little queasy and all we want to do next is grab a post-ride pint—#beerwatts. So why on earth would you torture yourself by running right after?! Congratulations, you're the best at exercising!
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Your Next TriathlonYou submerge yourself in water before getting in the saddle.
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So that's disgusting. It's a recipe for chafing—no matter how much chamois cream you slather on your body. Riding in the rain is bad enough, but nearly drowning on the swim before hopping in the saddle to ride your inner thighs raw doesn't exactly sound like a picnic.
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Your Next Triathlon
You're always racing.
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In cycling, you can pretty much call yourself a cyclist if you ride a bike pretty frequently. But apparently to be a triathlete you have to race. And speaking of races, you have to practically remortgage your home to sign up for a tri. So let me get this right, you buy a bike that costs as much as a car, a high-end wetsuit, flashy kits, new running shoes and yet still have to drop hundreds of dollars on an entry to a race? What the what? You must be a baller.
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Your Next TriathlonConclusion
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We realize we probably widened the gap between cyclists and triathletes, but, in reality, we just don't know how you do all of the things. Oh wait, yes we do. It's because you're just okay at all of them. (We don't have to tell you we're great cyclists.) Burn.
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