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How to Date a Cyclist
Written by
Michael Nystrom
Cyclists are truly a different breed. We're usually Type A personalities, aren't afraid of hard work and are healthy in most facets of life. Sounds like the ideal partner, right? Well, not exactly. But if you're prepared to deal with the following quirks, then you just might have found your soul mate.
Don't Make Plans With Us Saturday Morning
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Or Sunday morning. Actually, don't make weekend plans with us at all. Even if your cyclist is only planning to ride a few hours in the morning, they'll be too tired to mow the lawn or see the in-laws in the evening. Best order takeout and binge Game of Thrones.
Keep an Emergency Granola Bar on Tap
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Carbs are a cyclist's best friend. Even though you just left the restaurant and your cyclist cleaned everyone's plate, it's likely they will be hungry halfway home. And there's nothing worse than a hangry cyclist.
Get a Second Job
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Not seriously, but cycling is expensive. Your cyclist won't flinch in the slightest at dropping $400 on a new carbon component that saves four grams. But you definitely will. Strike a deal so you can get something, too.
Speaking of...
Speaking of...
Their Birthday/Christmas/Anniversary List Consists of the Latest Cycling Gear
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But this, unfortunately, doesn't mean you'll be spending any less money because you're cutting out jewelry or the latest edition of the iPhone. You've seen the cost of a limited edition cycling kit, right? And we all know how much bikes cost.
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Your Next RideHave the Cleaning Supplies Ready
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Your cyclist will come back sticky, sweaty and sometimes bloody. It may be a shock at first, but don't worry, this feeling will pass. Just don't even ask what that stain on their chamois is.
Alll the Socks
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And all the correct height, of course. (You'll never make that mistake again.)
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Your Next RideShaved Legs Are Acceptable
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Your cyclist may attest it to being more aero, but really it's just uncool in the cycling world to show up with hairy legs. Those calves need to be as smooth as... well, a road cyclist's.
Share the Closet
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Cyclists ride rain or shine, so they have expensive gear for all conditions. It's not unlikely they'll take more than their fair share of closet real estate. Try to strike a deal, but if all else fails, plastic storage bins work just fine (for your stuff, of course).
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Your Next RideLaundry Day Involves a Separate Load for All the Kits
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A load for whites, a load for darks and a load (or two) for all the kits your cyclist wore last week.
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Your Next RideBikes Are Family and Deserve Their Own Room
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You thought closet space was an issue? Your cyclist has probably claimed an entire room for all their cycling gear. Leaving that $8,000 bike(s) in the backyard isn't an option in their mind. You're better off moving your first-born into the garage.
You Wake Up When Their Morning Alarm Goes Off
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Say goodbye to the chance of sleeping in if your SO has a morning ride scheduled. And good luck getting back to sleep after the racket they make getting ready—cycling shoes on the hardwood floor aren't exactly silent.
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Your Next RideKeep Your Phone On
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Cyclists carry supplies for flats and mechanical issues, but sometimes things go wrong 70 miles away from home. While inconvenient, your stranded cyclist may call for a ride home. Naturally, a foot massage and nice dinner are acceptable currency.
Vacations Don't Exist Without a Race to Go Along With It
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They can't remember the last time they took a vacation that didn't also involve a race in the same location—whether that means participating or spectating. But France isn't so bad, is it?
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Your Next RideFind a Hobby
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You're going to have a lot of time alone when your cyclist is reaching his or her 300-miles-a-week goal. Find a local club, join a gym—or just sit at home and enjoy not hearing about their latest missed Strava KOM attempt.
Hire Movers
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Don't expect your cyclist to help lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. While their legs may be chiseled like Hercules himself, their arms are no stronger than a third grader's. Less weight allows them to climb faster, and everyone knows climbing faster (not managing everyday tasks) is what life is all about.
Enjoy the Ride
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Both figuratively and literally, dating a cyclist is a ride in and of itself. Enjoy the quirks, the sweat and the journey. You never know, their passion may rub off on you. So go ahead and throw a leg over the saddle and ride off together into the blissful sunset.
And Despite All the Quirks, You Still Love Us
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It's just part of our charm. And you wouldn't change us for the world.
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Your Next RideAbout the Author
More Articles by Michael »Michael Nystrom