What You’re Really Thinking While You Run

Anger

1. How long have I been running?
2. TWELVE MINUTES?
3. Feels like 12 years.
4. Why am I so slow today??
5. COME ON LEGS. BE ATHLETIC FOR ME ONE TIME.
6. What are these two people doing?
7. Umm, excuse me. This trail is for runners—and cyclists, I guess... but mostly runners.
8. RUN-ners. Not WALK-ers.
9. Seriously, who gets all geared up for a casual stroll with a pal?
10. If you're going to walk on my running trail, you could at least form a single-file line.
11. Dodging lowly walkers while on a bike would be a pain.
12. I have a lot of respect for cyclists.
13. WHOA! EASY LANCE ARMSTRONG. Freakin' SPEED RACER.
14. On the left? Well I'm on the right, buddy. And I do not appreciate your rate of speed.
15. I hate cyclists.
16. I look waaay cooler in my moisture wicking hat than you do in your bike helmet from the future.
17. [Checks reflection]
18. Or not. 
19. Seriously, what was that? Why do I look like Jabba the Hutt?
20. Why can't I be more like Beyonce?