How to Date a Triathlete

Written by
Michael Nystrom
Triathletes are interesting creatures. They’re just as at home in the pool as they are riding their bike, but their physical lifestyle comes with its own set of special circumstances. While generally harmless, these quirks are something that you should be aware of before diving (see what we did there) into a relationship with them and their bike.
No Weekend Plans
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The best (and worst) part about triathlon is having to train for three sports at a time. Just because your triathlete is done with his or her Saturday morning bike ride doesn't mean they're free. They probably still have an evening run or Sunday masters swim class on the schedule.
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Food, Food, Food
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There's nothing worse than a hangry triathlete. Always keep an emergency granola bar or bag of candy on hand to help keep your calorie-deficient triathlete smiling.
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Know How to Read a Map
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Between the closed streets and navigating the course on race day, you'll need to have decent map skills to get your triathlete to the start line and find key vantage points throughout the day.
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Find Freelance Work
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Triathlon is expensive, and unless your triathlete is a sponsored athlete, all their gear and race entries cost an arm and a leg. Ever wonder why your bank account is in the red? Triathlon.
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Get Dirty
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Between the sunscreen, snot, dirt and sweat (and sometimes even blood), you'll always have a mess on your hands whenever your triathlete is around. Sticky bottles, salty cycling kits and damp, muddy running shoes are just some of the perks.
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Hair? What Hair?
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Cyclists shave their legs, but triathletes shave EVERYTHING. It has something to do with chafing and hydrodynamics, but really it's to show off that tan, chiseled physique.
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Gear on Gear on Gear
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Let's have a moment of silence for all the closet space you used to have. When you date a triathlete, more of than half of it will go to all their kits, shoes and gear. It's just the way it is.
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Bikes Go Inside
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Everyone knows bikes are afraid of the dark and don't like to be left alone in the garage. Seriously though, in the eyes of your triathlete, his or her $8,000 aero bike is a member of the family and deserves its own room.
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Pain Cave
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Speaking of your triathlete keeping his or her bike inside, they'll likely need to complement that bike with a treadmill, indoor trainer and resistance bands. Where else do you expect them to train in the winter?
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Know Their Preferences
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They may not mean to be a jerk, but sometimes triathletes can't eat certain foods or do certain activities as they gear up for a big race. If your triathlete loves brown rice and grilled chicken after a ride, just go with it. They will appreciate the gesture.
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Leave Your Phone On
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Unfortunately, there's no AAA for cyclists. If your triathlete crashes 50 miles from home or has blown through their spare tubes, you'll be their first call.
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Speak "Triathlete"
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Does your triathlete have a brick workout this weekend? Did they bonk at mile 102? Do you know the difference between T1 and T2? They'll appreciate it when you congratulate them after seeing their negative splits on Strava.
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Occupy Your Free Time
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You'll have a lot of time on your hands while your triathlete is deep in their training block. Find a hobby or local group to keep you occupied—you'll be thankful to have human interaction that doesn't revolve around watts or swim laps.
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Hone Your Sherpa Skills
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No triathlete is successful without outside support. While it may not seem like it at the time, schlepping their gear, waking up early and screaming words of encouragement out on the course is a huge help.
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Find Help
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Any efforts that aren't triathlon-related are a waste of precious calories. When it comes to mowing the lawn or helping move boxes from the attic, your triathlete may not be much help. This condition especially worsens the closer they are to their race. You may be able to incentivize them with free food and/or gear, though.
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Enjoy the Madness
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Channel parts of your triathlete's health-focused mindset into your personal life. This doesn't mean you need to do a century ride, but their diet, sleep habits and active mindset are traits that can benefit everyone.
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About the Author

More Articles by Michael »Michael Nystrom
A California native, Michael Nystrom graduated from the University of Southern California with a master's degree in journalism. He is a 2x IRONMAN and has done countless sprint- and olympic-distance triathlons. Follow Michael on Twitter, Instagram or LinkedIn.